We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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