weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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