Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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