Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
