God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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