We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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