also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
