i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
