During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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