Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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