Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
