just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize