dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
