He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
