just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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