I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
