wakey wakey hands off snakey
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
