so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You took a bar mat shot.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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