the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
