I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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