I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just found puke in my bra..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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