He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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