somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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