My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
