Kiss
Puke
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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