when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
