Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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