We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
