I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
