God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
