You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
