If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
