I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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