is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
