Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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