oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
