And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
