just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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