So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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