this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
