I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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