I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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