I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
