Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
