apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
