I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
