I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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