Well apparently he's into motor boating.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize