hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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