I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she looked like the before picture.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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