Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
