I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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