Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
its liver damage thursday
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