Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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