Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How external is "for external use only"?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
