Porn is love you can see.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize