man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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