My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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