Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
