you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
