i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
