Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
