So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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