what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
