All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
