I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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