Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
