my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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