a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
