Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
