If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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