remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ok first of all what the fuck
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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