Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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